Single Mothers, Abuse and Homelessness — It’s much worse than you think…

Unfortunately, too many people in this country still believe that homelessness is caused by laziness, lack of will power, and an inherent baseness that leads to corruption and evilness. The uninformed and the unconcerned believe that the homeless are the bums, the drug addicts, and the source of most crime in America. However, I have yet to come across a study that discusses at any length that these stereotypes are the sole and primary reasons for people living on the streets. For instance, the case for single mothers. Let me explain this further by starting with some facts:

1. In a report on Homeless Children and Youth from the National Center for Children in Poverty, over 80% of mothers with children experiencing homelessness have reported some type of abuse or assault.
2. A recent study of homeless mothers found that 93% of mothers experienced at least one traumatic event. Violent victimization was the most common traumatic experience with nearly 50% being sexually assaulted.
3. Almost half (50%) of all women who are homeless also have a major depressive disorder which is twice the rate of all other women.
4. Depression and PTSD can cause brain damage and are key contributors to substance abuse.

So, is it really that simple to give someone we care about who is living in an abusive environment the advice of “Just leave!!!?” Before I delve deeper into why so many single mothers become homeless, I want to touch on why many of them decide to stay. Among the top reasons listed are lack of finances, concern for children, emotional abuse from shaming, projecting and rejecting, and fear of retribution. This article states that 3 women are murdered every day in this country by an ex-partner (husband, boyfriend). Over 75% of these murders occur while the women are attempting to leave or after they have left. Still, many women choose to live with the ongoing fear of their toxic environment versus the uncertainty of leaving and living on the streets with the terror of stalking and potential harm from the ex-spouse or partner.

Most, if not all women want to do what is best for their children. Many times they will sacrifice their own safety and well-being for their children. A lot of women are ‘stay at home’ mothers and have not had the opportunity to continue their education, and therefore, access to decent-paying jobs to provide for their family is limited in many cases. They ultimately become trapped underneath financial control by the spouse/partner in many instances, and it becomes even more difficult in their minds to leave. Some will ultimately choose to take their kids and flee to the streets as they feel they are taking the ‘lesser of the two evils.’ While it is still very dangerous, they hold on to the hope of finding a safe shelter and a better life at some point. Yes, that is correct. It is a conscious choice and a very brave and courageous one at that.

Single mothers and their children face many other challenges besides finding safe shelter, food, and clothing. Men and women occupy many emergency shelters. Many times, women and children feel unsafe and end up leaving. Women and children who struggle to find safe housing and food are much more susceptible to rape and repeated violence than those that have those needs met. Women not only have the costs of maintaining proper hygiene (tampons, pads, etc.) they are also dealing with the cost of childcare, which on the low end is estimated at an annual average cost of $8,700. That along with the need for safe housing and job stability make it very difficult for these families to achieve stability and to stay off the streets. After being traumatized, safety is of the utmost importance. When a landlord refuses to change the locks, these women may leave for fear of revenge from an ex-partner.

There are approximately 4.2 million single mothers living in the United States today that are at risk of being homeless. This means they live at, near, or below the poverty line which is just over $29k per year for a family of four. That puts at least 1.1 million children at risk as well. With the devastating effects of Covid-19 to the economy and unemployment reaching Great Depression-like levels, these numbers will only get much worse.

We must have solutions that comprise permanent supportive housing that include longer term care for those dealing with mental health, substance abuse, and other disabilities. These solutions must be truly attainable and need to include affordable childcare. The affordable housing model in this country is non-existent to those who need it the most as there are very few counties where this actually works.

Today, 85% of homeless families are headed by single women . Single mothers and their children are an integral part of the present and the future of our societies. These women are the most under-served segment of the homeless and at-risk population.

Steve