On May 7th, I celebrated 3 years of continous sobriety.

There were countless times over the years in the midst of severe alcoholism where I dreamed of staying sober for just one day.

I remember when I received my termination letter from my former employer on July 4th, 2007. After reading this letter a couple of times I recall that I felt some relief in that they didn’t cite my drinking as a reason for firing me.

I can still remember to this day how sick, disgusted and ashamed of my condition I was. I wanted out of all of it but didn’t know how to start. My primary coping was alcohol abuse and it had stopped working for me.

I was afraid to share with anyone just how much I was really hurting and how ashamed I was of me. I thought I was a failure in life. Instead, I chose to isolate and drink more. I became my own worst mental, spiritual and emotional abuser.

Fear became my life. How could I begin to heal without telling someone about my fears and the shame I was carrying?

In July of 2008 I went to my first treatment for alcoholism. It didn’t stick but the seed was planted. I would return to treatment again in 2013, 2014 and 2018. I simply wouldn’t give up…

I wanted to stay sober, but I just didn’t know how to do it. I was simply afraid of so many things such as:

* Believing that I could be accepted while being sober

* Not having any friends anymore

* Not having the confidence to choose the life I really wanted to live

* Not knowing how to get unstuck by sitting with my feelings and acknowledging them without passing judgement on myself and others.

In short, here are some of things I work on daily:

1. Admitting that I am a real alcoholic and that if I have one drink then ‘all bets are off’ and that could very possibly include a miserable death from this disease.

2. Through prayer and meditation, I look to seek the truth about me by asking such questions as ‘what am I afraid of?’ ‘Am I doing my part and my very best today?’ ‘Am I making assumptions that might not be true?’ ‘Am I taking things personally?’

I have found answers to all of these questions and more when I make the effort to ask, listen and give it some time.

3. Gratitude — They say this is the healthiest of all emotions and the most healing. I promise you that incorporating this into your life will not hurt you!

4. I give myself permission to dream and I am not embarrassed by it any more.

5. Service — Being of service to others is better than any business deal that I ever negotiated in my entire life!

I even decided to follow my heart and start up a non-profit organization to help single mothers who have struggled in poverty and are looking for a way out just I like I was years ago but didn’t know how to.

At 52 years of age these last 3 years have been some of the best of my entire life. Today, I believe the best is yet to come. That will require more effort of course.

Please remember today that you are enough and that your efforts do matter and that you are loved!!!

It took me a long time to BELIEVE this! One day at a time…

Good luck and God bless you in all that you do!

Steve